At the height of the real estate bubble, I bought a rental house in Avondale, Az in the summer of 2006, and the backyard was just bare dirt. The first month-to-month tenants I had were a young couple that offered to install grass in the back in exchange for a portion off the first month’s rent, as they had a friend in the business who had several rolls of Bobsod™ from a lawn install where the customer didn’t pay. They knew all the lingo, so I believed them when they swore they had installed lawns professionally in the past, so it seemed like a fair deal.
so i’m on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have “in flight entertainment,” but its so long that i’m gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i’m like “i guess i’m beating off like 5 times during this flight.”
If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks.