“I hope you miss me, though I could scarcely (even in the cause of vanity) wish you to miss me as much as I miss you, for that hurts too much, but what I do hope is that I’ve left some sort of a little blank which won’t be filled till I come back. I bear you a grudge for spoiling me for everybody’s else companionship, it is too bad.”
After months of sadness and wishing, it came true. My love came back to me. Sure, her mannerisms aren’t the same; her hair’s a different colour; and I call her by a different name. But it’s back.
We take the same walks through country paths in the rain and the sun. I tell her those same stories of my past and future, and she nods and laughs – just like the first time. But it’s not the first time. My first time is gone.
My love is back now though. And every now and then, I see a glimpse of my first in her. It reminds me of how I will see, so vividly, the colour orange whilst chomping upon a Terry’s chocolate treat; a sort of homage to that sad citrus fruit with whom I experienced it first.
So, my message to all of you is this: do not become hung up on ‘the one’. Chase the feeling. There exists the potential in a billion souls. Do not be afraid to ignite that fire once again. Let it engulf your world. Let it envelope your senses. And when that last flickering flame turns on itself in anguish, don’t ever let yourself believe it’s been forever extinguished.
Love doesn’t always turn out the way you expect it to. Even beautiful moments can turn sour in an instant. I was so moved by the difficult and subtle truth this song is trying to express I had to take a stab at it. I hope you enjoy my one-take, live cover of Tegan & Sara’s “I Was a Fool”. We shot it outdoors in Culver City and even though it was freezing and I was the genius who wore shorts, it really was an intimate and tender session and I’m so happy to share it.
“There’s a thing in life where you have to come to terms with dyin’. Well, I haven’t come to terms with dyin’ yet. I want to come to terms with being sure that you understand that my love for you up to this point was as much as it could be and it’ll be as much as it could be for eternity.” -Danny Perasa, on his deathbed, to his wife Annie Perasa