“I hope you miss me, though I could scarcely (even in the cause of vanity) wish you to miss me as much as I miss you, for that hurts too much, but what I do hope is that I’ve left some sort of a little blank which won’t be filled till I come back. I bear you a grudge for spoiling me for everybody’s else companionship, it is too bad.”
After months of sadness and wishing, it came true. My love came back to me. Sure, her mannerisms aren’t the same; her hair’s a different colour; and I call her by a different name. But it’s back.
We take the same walks through country paths in the rain and the sun. I tell her those same stories of my past and future, and she nods and laughs – just like the first time. But it’s not the first time. My first time is gone.
My love is back now though. And every now and then, I see a glimpse of my first in her. It reminds me of how I will see, so vividly, the colour orange whilst chomping upon a Terry’s chocolate treat; a sort of homage to that sad citrus fruit with whom I experienced it first.
So, my message to all of you is this: do not become hung up on ‘the one’. Chase the feeling. There exists the potential in a billion souls. Do not be afraid to ignite that fire once again. Let it engulf your world. Let it envelope your senses. And when that last flickering flame turns on itself in anguish, don’t ever let yourself believe it’s been forever extinguished.
Love doesn’t always turn out the way you expect it to. Even beautiful moments can turn sour in an instant. I was so moved by the difficult and subtle truth this song is trying to express I had to take a stab at it. I hope you enjoy my one-take, live cover of Tegan & Sara’s “I Was a Fool”. We shot it outdoors in Culver City and even though it was freezing and I was the genius who wore shorts, it really was an intimate and tender session and I’m so happy to share it.
“There’s a thing in life where you have to come to terms with dyin’. Well, I haven’t come to terms with dyin’ yet. I want to come to terms with being sure that you understand that my love for you up to this point was as much as it could be and it’ll be as much as it could be for eternity.” -Danny Perasa, on his deathbed, to his wife Annie Perasa
I said the following in response to two friends who were bickering about something stupid and one of them immediately responded,
"Isn’t it sad that we associate marriage with bickering?"
I’m not sure how I feel about that just yet. I definitely see his point, but there’s also strength in a relationship that isn’t stressed by bickering and there’s value in being able to be brazenly honest. I don’t think it’s as simple as he’s making it out to be.
But last night another friend did say that “life is a power struggle and you never want to show someone that they have all the power.”
In the heat of the moment, I agreed. But after thinking about it, this is actually one of the points I mentioned in a previous post:
We should stop viewing interactions as a vie for power, because it’s a mindset that deals pain as an alternative to being hurt. It causes a depression in the social space - pushing someone down as opposed to lifting someone up, which I’ll call an impression - and places unnecessary pressure on those nearby.
Scott Simpson, of the blog YourMonkeyCalled.com, recently wrote a piece titled “You Are Boring.” In it, he recalls every conversation he’s ever heard between two people:
Stranger #1: Thing about my life. Stranger #2: Thing about my life that is somewhat related to what you just said. Stranger #1: Thing about my life that is somewhat related to what you just said. Stranger#2: Thing about my life…
Why are we only interested in ourselves? And not in a good way where we’re introspective, but in a puffed up way where we want to pat ourselves on the back and have others give us kudos for the insignificant things in our lives.
Why don’t we ask more questions? Be more inquisitive? Find out the why and how of things instead of the what? Why not lift others up instead of putting them down?
I think this approach can also apply to the entrepreneurial landscape. I’ve recently been reading the book Blue Ocean Strategy. It talks about the diminishing returns of fighting in established markets (red oceans, made bloody by excessive competition) and encourages entrepreneurs to create new markets (blue oceans, free of limitations).
When companies fight ignorantly over existing markets, they make miniscule changes, add insignificant benefits to the consumer, and take on heavy burdens of extra cost. PT Barnum & Bailey and Wringling Brothers died because they focused on featuring stars (which no one cared about), marketed based on a 3-ring venue (which increased the number of performers needed with other cost implications), and their high concession costs discouraged audiences from making purchases and made them feel taken advantage of. Whereas Cirque du Soleil offered new benefits such as a story line, intellectual richness, artistic music and dance, and multiple productions. Apple under Steve Jobs was constantly innovating the consumer space. Steve thought intensely about how people interacted with electronics and always looked to improve that, and because he built products that enhanced people’s lives rather than competing for market space, he ended up building a beautiful company that is still loved by billions of people.
There’s a vast difference between helping someone because you want power vs helping someone and inadvertently receiving respect. The ends don’t justify the means. Coincidentally I also touched on this point in a previous post: